Thursday, January 7, 2016

Throw-back Thursday

1976 on my wedding day

I can't believe that when I was married, I weighed 100 pounds soaking wet and I thought I was fat.

When I had my first child I gained 25 pounds and had a difficult time losing it after he was born. When I got pregnant with my second son I barely experienced morning sickness when I was pregnant. I might have had 2 episodes the whole pregnancy but, I was hungry and was eating for two. I gained 60 pounds.

1985 when I was 4 months pregnant
I lost 30 pounds after Nathan was born and kept it off until I got pregnant with my third son but, it was a very difficult pregnancy. I lost 20 pounds in the first trimester and once the severe morning sickness and vomiting was under control, ended up only gaining about 20 pounds the whole pregnancy. 

Unfortunately, over the next several years, I would steadily gain more weight, losing 20 ounds here and there and gaining it back, plus a few more. After my total knee replacement surgery in 2011, I began eating better and training for my first 5K race (walking). By July 2012, I had lost 30 pounds, finished the race (7 months post surgery I really went into it with the idea that if I didn't finish, that was ok - at least I made the attempt), and felt so much better, more energy, and less stress.  2012 ws my healthiest year in a long time.
Picking up my t-shirt. I was so proud to be participating!
Then Dad got sick at the end of 2012 (we found out it could be cancer in August) and my time outside walking decreased while my time in front of the internet researching treatment options and talking to my Mom and Dad on the phone increased. Dad died in April 2013, 8 months after his initial diagnosis and 4 months after the first treatment. 

Life was in turmoil for months following his death. I practically moved in with my Mom to help her grieve and because she also had health issues. We packed up Dad's things and spent time eating to soothe our souls. In May, 6 weeks after Dad died, my Mom had knee revision surgery and she almost died. That summer was spent caring for Mom, and not walking any distance.  I managed to participate in the 5K in July again and actually beat my previous time but I knew I needed to train better for 2014. I had just taken a little break from training.

Mom was still in recovery when Zack died in August 2013. Mom moved in September, 4 weeks after Zack died so once I got her settled, I figured I could get back on track. She never really got settled and spent months wishing she were home with me traveling 6 hours one way to visit.

I walked in 2014 but the training, while better than 2013, was not the same as 2012. My heart was only minimally in it. My heart was breaking.

In April of 2015, my oldest son died and I realized one day that I was eating to manage my emotions. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I thought I was managing my grief well but, apparently not. 

I said before that I am not doing this to lose weight although I know that is important. I am considered morbidly obese and while I am not a vain person by any stretch of the word, how my body feels is very important to me. So while I chase down good health, I am planning to say good-by to this extra weight and hello to more energy.

And looking at these pictures only motivates me more.

January 2016 Before

January 2016 Before

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